Time Management - Personal or Business

Time Management is something I have struggled with all my life. I am great at multi-tasking. However when you get to many things on your plate all that food can be a bit overwhelming. Then if somethings are not taken off that plate there is a great risk of a nervous break down or a heart attack leading to death.

There are so many neat things to do out on the internet, at home, and at work. But there comes a time to say "NO!" to something in as a means to keep the better ones going strong.

This past weekend I got hit with overload. So after much prayer and consideration. I have had to make some decision's as to what is important and what is needful.

• Vista366.com will be a Monday thru Friday blog
• I am going to keep the Tuesday Vista Is Here To Stay podcast.
• Only one major consulting/training project at a time.
• Other blogs and writing will be done as I get inspired and/or have time.
  

Some Time It Takes Encouragement

There are times when we need encouragement from other people. Like the old song, "No man is an island". If we ever feel that we are an island to our selves it get very, very, hard.

I am the type of person who likes bury myself in work. When I go through a hard place. As time gets harder, I start to pull myself from those around me, especially those who love and care about me.

There are days I find comfort from my morning reading of scriptures. This morning was Proverbs 24:12. I quote, "If you say, 'Bue we knew nothing about this,' does not he who weight the heart perceive it? Does not he who guards your life know it? Will he not repay each person according to what he has done?"

A lot of what I do, I really do not what I am doing. I am just acting, speaking or writing in the best the direction that seems right for that moment in time.

I Am Back

I am back posting on this blog. I won't say that this is going to be a daily post. In fact, I am looking for guest posts. People who have something to say about what is REALLY Going On. I don't want ABC, CBS, CNN, or NBC feeds, I want your view of what is happening in the world, today.

In a couple of weeks, I would like to start a weekly call in podcast. It will be along the same subject as this blog.

You can always email me at efc@efcussins.com

Farewell

Farewell My sin, my in ability to continue. So this is my last blog. Farewell.

The Warm Beach

The warmth of the morning sun penetrates the Banana Slug t-shirt that is on my back. The smell of the salt ocean air in my noise. Watching the morning sun push back the fog that came in during the early morning hours. The sound of ocean waves rolling up on sand in font of my feet. This is a taste of heaven.

Early morning on the beach is such a blissful time. The crowds have not arrived. I am standing facing the mighty ocean. Talking to God as if He is that big mass of blue water. And little old me standing in front of Him, getting my direction for the daily activities.

The warm sun at my back, the cool ocean air on my face, and the sounds of waves rolling on shore creates such a calming affect. There has been many a time I have wished this moment would never end.

I look to my right there is a man in his 70's with a metal detector. He is scanning the beach for money or precious items that was left behind from the previous day's beach goes. Some people have told me that he makes over $200 a day, just by waving his metal detector over the morning sand.

Off in the distance a jogger is running in my direction. I see her about every morning. Dressed in nothing but a sports bra and running shorts. She must be getting her energy for the day's battles by running next the mighty ocean.

Well my time of peace and tranquility is over. Now I must go back to the real cold world and its' reality.

Walking The Lonely Road 2

Arms and body shaking so bad that I can barely walk in a straight line. Oh God, the cold is getting to my body. I do not know when the cold and the wind will blow over my body. Then finally, my strength will be gone and gravity will pull me to the ground.

• What got me into this mess?
  
• Why am I out here all alone?
  
• Why do I have to bare the bitter January cold of the high desert?

The answer is simple, two sins; selfishness, and lust. The two things that I have let rule my fifty plus years.

Instead of bitting the bullet and finishing college, I quite. Not just once, but many times. Each time was to fulfill selfish gratification. Now I walk this lonely road with the satisfaction of having a college degree.

Just when I was starting to mend the relationship with my two oldest children, I made things worst. Now they won't talk to me. Whenever I can not think about them for long because the cold pain of evil, sinful self hurts to much.

The list goes on and on. I need intervention. I have had intervention in the past.

Teen Challenge. After a year in the program, I went to school and stayed there for another three years. Then I thought I was getting into a good relationship, but it turned lustful and it went downhill from there. I didn't have the intestinal fortitude to get out of it before it was to late.

Another step, I can't move. My body is shaking so bad. Just lifting my right leg up and putting my foot down in front of the left one is taking so my effort. I can't stop shaking!

Walking The Lonely Road

It is winter in the high desert of northern Nevada. I am maybe 50 miles north of Winnemucca on highway 95. There is not a car insight no matter which way I look.

The cold January wind has dropped the air temperature at least 20 degrees. My fingers were numb hours ago. My ears sting in pain even though my head is wrapped with an old flannel shirt. I dare not look at the ends of my fingers. I lost feeling of them some time back.

There is no place to go except to just walk north. Step, step, one foot in front of another. Left, right, left, right. each step is a deliberate effort. I dare not stop. If I did the cold and loneliness would over take me.

I looked up at the mountains, they are so far way. I will never reach them before night fall. I don't know where I will be at night fall. But I can not give up.

I fix my eyes on the mountains above where the road ends ahead of me. That is not where I am going. Where I am going is many many miles on the other side of those mountains.

Burrrr, the cold is penetrating the layers of shirts, sweaters, and jacket that I have wrapped around me. I never thought I could feel the cold like I am right now.

I can't think about the cold or the loneliness. I must keep walking no matter what I am feeling. I must reach those mountains before it gets dark. If I don't I do not know what I will do.

The Hole

It seems no matter how far up the hole I climb, there is something comes along to that destroys all the progress I make. Then gravity takes over and I fall back down. Why is that?

Finally, I find a couple hand holds on sides of the wall. I looks like a way to climb out of this hole. I reach out with my right hand and grab this rock. Then I stick my left toe into a notch about two feet off the bottom of the hole. My biceps tighten as I pull myself up. I grasp a two inch root with my left hand.

I reached with my right hand for a loose clump of dirt. I know that clump of dirt was not going to hold my weight. Yet I reached out and try to pull myself up. Sure enough when I pulled on it, it broke apart. Right back to the bottom of the hole I landed on my back, again!

You would think after trying a number of times I would give up. I can not give up. I must get out of this hole. To many people are depending upon me. I did not indent to get in this whole. I just make a group of wrong decisions. Oh God I wish I could change those decisions.

Here it is almost 3 am in the morning. I have been awake since midnight. I should of have been asleep. I usually wake up in another half hour.

Well, I better start checking out the walls of this hole, again. Maybe I can find another possible path out of this hole.

They Remember

We were driving in the car when our daughter started to talk about an incident that happen when she was not more than 3 years old. I tried not to react. But having a fathers heart I felt sad that she wanted to make things all better.

My wife and I had gotten sick from eating some bad food. She was vomiting along with stomach cramps. I had diarrhea in addition to the vomiting and stomach cramps. We could verily manage to get to a near by doc-in-the-box. Our daugther must not of have ate the same bad food item as my wife and I did, because she was not sick.

Well, back to riding in the car. Our daughter, now seven years old, said how she wanted to take care of us. She did not know what to do. She was afraid that we were going to die.

I had forgot about the incident. I did not think she would remember. From what she said that day in the car she has a clear recollection of what had happen.

I am taken by her concern for us. I do not want her to have those kind of memories. I want her to have much better memories as she grows up. Nevertheless, I am amazed that she being so young could remember that incident.

Becoming A Peace Maker

Last Wednesday on Law and Order, the character played by Chris North made the comment that he wanted to try the role of peace maker for a while. He like his new partner. Chris wanted to act as a buffer until her abrasive attitude smoothed out.

I have found myself, more verbal. Not in an aggressive sort of way. The verbal expression is leaning toward a more tell it like it is , yet peace maker.

My perspective may be all wrong. I may just be to passive. All I know is that if the words I say is encouraging, and have a positive spin. Then the people I am around will be more enrich after and encounter with me.

Chris North's character, from Law and Order, has evolved over the years. At one point he was very reactionary. He punched out some high ranking New York City official. Then he got sent to a boring out of the police station. From there he came back into the spot light with more humbler and mature attitude about life and work.

Is it a sign of growing old, maybe? His character may just of have found the best way to get his need met.

Forgiveness and Hate

I am starting to get reactions from people and business to our filing the bankruptcy. The different reactions have been from one extreme or the other. Some where expected. While other were quite a shock. I guess it really shows the business or individuals real colors.

One business associate has been reacting in anger. Threats through someone they were coaching. It upset my wife, when she got the phone call. My first response was anger for the threat. Later I was sadden because I really wish I could of have paid everything and been done with the matter.

Then the one individual who I expected to scream and threaten, did not do that. They offered a solutions that was more than generous. $15 a month for a service that we need anyway. It was more than what I would of have paid for the service, but we can live with the offer.

Of course there are the big financial corporations that are waiting in the wings. They are currently having to deal with bigger fish than me. Foreclosures or repositions of 10 to 100 thousands of dollars items. They are more than likely waiting for me to pick up my payments. That I want to do this month.

I can't change how people react to me, but I can definitely control my response to them. No matter how bad I feel. No matter what I wish I could do. I am stuck making the course. My prayer is to right all the wrong that I have done.

There Is A God!

Just when the darkness is blackest. Just when there is no hope springs out the least expected source. A smile, a pleasant voice, or just someone listening can make a world of difference. When expecting a negative reaction, but a friendly smile will burst a ray of sunshine through the clouds.

The actual circumstances are the same. The bankruptcy process is happening. People are still angry with me. However, I am not being overcome by the oppressive darkness that over shadows me on a hourly basis.

In the late afternoon, I looked down at my hand. There is no shaking. Normally toward the end of the day my hands would start a mild shaking. I always thought it was just a nervous condition that I had to live with all my life. Doctors would notice it, by offer no cure. Now it was gone! Could my body be getting healed? That would be so great.

This morning, I am seeing more of God's hand in my life.

There Is Light - Maybe?

Even through my day is good. Things get accomplished. But there comes a night. Not telling what the night and its' darkness holds in store.
During the day, miracles happen. The day is when good gets to spread. The night replaces the daylight, that is when light disappears. Then anything can happen.

The day was good. The evaluation from Debt Reduction Services was completed with few hick-ups. Self Help Legal got the paperwork to court. Electronically, I might add. We drove out of Self Help Legal's parking lot feeling much lighter.

The rest of the day was spent reading, discussing what we could do to improve the amount of money we bring into our home. I even was able to spend some time helping our daughter with her homework.

Phone conversations were positive. The whole rest of the was on a positive note. That was until I woke up at 2:32 am. I was alone in bed. An overwhelming, oppressive feeling just consumed my entire body. It was a if a holocaust was about to happen. What made it worst was that I did not know where it was going to come from.

An hour later I got out of bed to started the morning coffee. Turned on the computer. Opened my word processor and started to write. I am not going to let the darkness ruin the good from yesterday.

Taking Over Physically

Just when things start to look good, another blow comes. It was not bad enough getting cussed out by my wife, but when I got home she told me she lost her job. She told the current temp agency that she was going with another agency in two weeks. They fired her on the spot. There goes money we can't do without.

I fixed a friends, girlfriend computer. They gave me a check made out to the business. Well, the business (TEN Solutions) is closed. I can not cash the check. Now when I call to get another check they don't answer their phone. Reaping what I sow.

I have buried my self in such a whole that it is starting to affect me physically and mentally. At work speaking and thinking through difficult situation is becoming hard. I feel my body is cramping. At times I have trouble walking. Sitting up straight is almost impossible.

No money for a haircut. I am overdue. We need $85 to get an evaluation from Debt Reduction Services. The money is not their. No way to get the money. Well, if my wife gets paid Thursday. I am hoping if they will let us go through the interview. They we can pay them Thursday. Get the certificate, then finally file.

My back is tight. Portions of my face are numb. The stress is slowly becoming overwhelming. I don't know how much long my body can hold out.

Regardless of all my sin. Regardless of where we are at. I know if I die today, God will take me. This life is but a feating moment in the compared to all eternity. Regardless if my current condition, I have hope in only one source.

There Is Light - NOT

Where is light at the end of the tunnel?
What is a good feeling?

Just when you think things are going to get better, along comes a manhole cover and hit you in the face. Why me oh God?

Money for the bankruptcy is paid. Wife and I are good regular jobs. The opportunity to do some podcast and make more than just wages was presented. The house was starting to get cleaner. Our daughter got some new clothes. Then came the manhole cover.

I am presented with facts from my wife that I do not remember. I am not allow to discuss it. I am not allowed to speak. I can not explain. I can not offer defense. All I can do is pray for to be left on the street, alone. I wish my wife and daughter would just leave me and headed for Texas to live with her family.

Sometimes I think it would better. I wish I could undo all the mistakes and wrong that I have done.

Sunday Morning

The Christmas tree was finally taken down. The living room vacuumed. Dishes were washed. A good portion of the house was clean. Then we fell asleep. I can not believe how much energy we had. I have done some much house work, in I don't know when.

Today is Sunday. A day of rest. This is a day to break from the pressures of life and enjoy what God has made.

Years ago, Johnny Cash sung a song called Sunday Morning Coming Down. It was about a drunk sobering up on Sunday Morning. The underlying theme was about how special Sunday morning is. Even a drunk who is the most removed human being away from God still knows how special Sunday morning is.

I want to take the song Johnny Cash to the next level. I believe all of earth is different of Sunday morning. It is a day of Church and rest from the rest of the week.

This is one Sunday that I am planning to really enjoy.

Taking Care Of Business

I took the last of the money to the para legal who is helping us with the bankruptcy. There was just enough in my wallet to pay him. Now I got to get up money for electricity, space rent, and other bills.

A couple of entrepreneurs have approached me. They want me to help them with starting an internet radio programs. If I do it right I could make enough money to some financial security in our lives.

My daughter and I are going to clean this house. It is long over due. This is the first time that any of us have had enough energy to do anything past the survival mode.

Friday was good. We were able to get our daughter a new outfit for school and a nice pink Bible. Wife and I felt good that we could get her something that would help her feel good. I know it has been hard on our daughter. She has been a real inspiration through all the darkness. Who says you can not learn from your children.

Angry With Me

They are all angry with me. Some are even threating to file criminal action. My wife blames me for everything. I can't say a word without being in the wrong.

I know I caused it all. I have no excuses. If it was not for my wife and daughter, I would just go to jail, pay off my debt in debtors prison. If it was 150 years ago.

God oh God what can I do? I am praying, I am looking for everyway possible to pay people I owe. But the money just dried up. Work stopped coming in. I have electric, gas and food bills to pay.

I felt guilty stopping by McDonald's to get a sandwich before work. I needed some energy to make it through my shift. We need that money along with money from driving 5 miles less to pay the electric bill. We had to buy clothes for my daughter $15. I should of have put that money toward paying another creditor.

I don't want to file bankruptcy. I want to pay my creditor. But I just don't have the money. They want to file criminal charges. Well, if they do and I go to jail, other people I owe will not get paid.

Oh God, I just want this to end.

I Hate Phone Calls

Calling creditors to letting them know that I am filing bankruptcy is not an easy thing to do. Each phone call is facing my failure. I am saying that I am not a proper husband, father, or man. Regardless as much as I don't like it I still have to do it.

When it comes time to email or call a creditor, I become withdrawn. The world around me becomes very irritating. I have to muster up every ounce of energy I have within my bones to dial that number. Then telling the person on the other end, "I am a failure".

As a general rule most of the people/businesses that I owe just take down information like attorney, his phone number, and case number. The person on the other end of the phone falls back from being aggressive to a more passive state. Some even have offered words of consolation and understanding.

There were some who offer a word of encouragement which makes the whole process a little easier to bare. I still wish I did not have to drag my family through this whole process. I wish I could have made more money, been healthier.

In the Bible there is a passage that talks about Jesus. It reads, "But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant ... humbled himself ... ." (Philippians 2:6-8) This whole time and process is very, very, very humbling.

Light - Moves Darkness Back

Light comes out from behind the clouds at the most unexpected times. When it does there is a nice feeling that everything will be alright. Then on the physical plane one could be driving at night on slippery roads.

Darkness tries to get to give up and do some crazy self destructive action. Light says keep going, you are on the right path. I will give you a clear direction.

I was driving down the road as temperatures started to fall below the point of freezing. The city lights reflexed off the black ice. A clam started to over come my whole body. Now I knew everything would be alright.

I stopped at a closing CompUSA. There I spent thirty minutes wondering through their supposed close out prices. Then I went on to another big box electronics store where I bought a microphone for a project.

When I got home I was greeted with a smile from my wife and daughter. I could tell the light had reached their lives, also. The rest of the evening was good. We talked about the day. Then we had some of the best tamale pie I had ever eaten. Then I made a few phone calls before going to bed.

Darkness - Where is the light?

There is nothing but darkness. Where is the light??? The depression, oppression is overwhelming. It is paralyzing. It is not just me, but the whole family.

My wife and I have been in survival mode for so long that the house shows it. The house is dirty. We do the dishes, and some cleaning. Anything more is done when we are surrounded by work, money coming in, and good news.

I try to clean, but I can't do it all. I have to look at a dirty bathroom sink several times, before I clean it. My wife has good days, then she does the dishes and clean the counters. It is so very hard to examples to our daughter when we can verily do things.

In church, yesterday, morning the preacher talked about love, hope, and light. He talked about expecting a surprise miracle this week. I have been praying, not for a miracle, but just help, work, to get out of this hole. Nothing has happen, we are still going down, down, and down some more.

Where it the light at the end of the tunnel? We are nothing more in a deep hole headed down. I am praying for a place to rent, and the money to pay for it. Right now we have neither.

I wish I could give my body, and life to keep from my wife and daughter for going down the road we are headed.

Bitter Sweat

Yesterday, I wrote about being up and then down. That was pretty much the theme of the whole day. It started feeling the pain of losing everything. As the day progressed the day got better. Then it finished off with having to deal with the mortgage company.

I try to stay positive for my wife and daughters sake. I know it must be hard on them, even if they don't say much about what we are going through. Then there are times all I can do is go to bed and sleep, just to cope.

When I turned on the television, a lady preacher talked about how we must turn loose of everything, before God can rebuild our lives. That seems to be happening to us. We are going to end up in a run down single wide trailer before things get better. Have we been that sinful? Are we so mule headed that we need to be broken before God can really use us? It must be!

We we are going to get the most counsel before we doing anything. We are going to pray. Look for the best possible alternative. I just want to pay the bills and put some money into saving.

Up Down Up Down

Up, Down, Up, Down, oh God I feel like a yo yo! When will it ever level out!

One minute everything seems like things are on the upward climb the next, I feel like I am laying face down of the payment.

My wife went to the ATM to take out some money to pay bill. The ATM had a glitch. It took the money out of the account, but did not dispense the money. Three hours later she was told it would be 10 days before the money could be put back in the account.

A friend showed up with some side work to me. Hopefully, he shows up tomorrow to pay me.

When I left for work, the gas gauge was on the left side of empty. I was sweating bullets all the way to the gas station. The fear of running out of gas consumed me. I did make it without running out of gas.

Work did not have that many sales, more people were coming in and complaining about the little things. However, in their eyes these were big issues.

Saturday should be better. I if nothing else it is a busy with errands and talking to different people. Bottom-line, I don't really care. I just want it to end on a upward note.

Out Of The Mouth Of Children

I woke my daughter up. The first things that came out of her seven year old mouth was. "Mommy and I talked, yesterday. We are going to make this day better."

How can you have a bad day when a child tells you that at the start of the day. Things have been so dark, it has been hard to stay positive. When a child test tells you that the difficulties of life are going to get better, I would like to believe them.

The day did get better. It was the best day at work since I start there. I tripled sales of all the others. Our daughter fits in at her day care. I was offered a deal to advertise on a internet radio program. My wife got paid. Dinner was great; homemade chili.

Today, I have to meet with a paralegal, and make some difficult phone calls. Today is going to be another good day. Why? Because I believe what my daughter said. I am going to take that one good day and make into two good days.

Survival Mode II

Survival mode is a strange form of living. Some days I am beyond it. Then there is other days my mind and body shuts down to do the very essentials.

Yesterday, was one of the survival mode days. I had went into work 2 hours late, because I did not realize that my work schedule had changed. My speech was forced through out work. When it came time to leave, I just walked home. I didn't wait for my wife to come and get me.

After getting home, I found out that my wife was not able to pay for child care for Thursday and Friday. This meant that one of us would have to stay home from work. More than likely it meant whoever stayed home would get fired from their job. At that point I withdrew inward.

A fear of ultimate failure start to overwhelm me. I start to imagine police coming to our door and dragging us out of the house. Then leaving us stranded there in the cold with just the clothes on our backs.

All I could do was go to bed, curl up in a ball. A ringing in my ears got louder. I withdrew even more. I could hear the crying of my daughter because she was not able to go to day care.

This morning is a little better. We have the money for day care. I just got to get it paid. I pray that they well allow her to go before I go to work.

2008 Year of Hope

2008 is our year of hope. There is a lot of promise. It is just a matter of taking what we have that is good, and leaving behind what we know that does not work.

I am reminded of people like Thomas Edison, and the vacuum cleaner inventor. All the things they tried that did not work. All it meant to them was one step closer to finding out what does work. We are getting one step closer to what does work.

The economy has a grim look. We are not out of the woods. We may still lose the house. More things could still go wrong. We could still find some more things that do not work. That is alright. We are here to stay. We are going to find what does work and be successful at life and business.

We are intelligent and hard workers. By God's grace I am not going to let a few failure hold us down.

New Year's Eve Was Quite

We spent New Year's Eve home watching Men In Black 2. Our daughter was on the computer singing to High School Musical 2.

I know that 2008 is going to be full of changes for us. They have already started. I am not sure where we are going from here. All I know is that we got to move forward.

I am going to spend most of today in front of this computer working on those long bankruptcy forms, and write a couple of articles for a friend's blog.

Two good things happen in 2007. We found a great church home. Then I got off prescription drugs. I didn't realize it. I was addicted to prescription drug. I had to take three others to offset the side affects of the first one. Now I am thinking clearer and calmer.

Well, whatever comes our way in 2008, we are ready for it. In this year we may lose our house, but that is alright. we have God and each other.