Survival mode is a strange form of living. Some days I am beyond it. Then there is other days my mind and body shuts down to do the very essentials.Yesterday, was one of the survival mode days. I had went into work 2 hours late, because I did not realize that my work schedule had changed. My speech was forced through out work. When it came time to leave, I just walked home. I didn't wait for my wife to come and get me.
After getting home, I found out that my wife was not able to pay for child care for Thursday and Friday. This meant that one of us would have to stay home from work. More than likely it meant whoever stayed home would get fired from their job. At that point I withdrew inward.
A fear of ultimate failure start to overwhelm me. I start to imagine police coming to our door and dragging us out of the house. Then leaving us stranded there in the cold with just the clothes on our backs.
All I could do was go to bed, curl up in a ball. A ringing in my ears got louder. I withdrew even more. I could hear the crying of my daughter because she was not able to go to day care.
This morning is a little better. We have the money for day care. I just got to get it paid. I pray that they well allow her to go before I go to work.
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